Blog Naz

No idea what day it is, it’s may though may or may not be okay. may or may not be thriving. may or may not be running on 2% social battery. may or may not have eaten dinner. may or may not be in my main character era (but like... off-screen). i blinked and suddenly it’s may. wasn’t it just february five minutes ago? and now the sky’s hotter, my to-do list is longer, and i may or may not still be figuring things out. (okay, i am still figuring things out.) may is weird. it's not quite mid-year, but it feels like it. like you’re supposed to have your life semi-together by now, but you’re still overthinking what you said in that one convo 3 months ago. and you still haven’t replied to that one message. and you still haven’t washed your tote bag. i’ve been trying to catch up with everything. assignments. goals. rest. people. but may is moving like a playlist on shuffle: no structure. just vibes. things i did in may (so far): - got excited for no reason - got overwhelmed right after - p...

 So here i am. staring at my phone, wondering what i should have for breakfast. but also wondering if i should even eat breakfast at all. because like… who’s got the time for breakfast when there’s the existential dread of being an adult? let's start with the basics: what’s for breakfast? should i make pancakes? but i don’t have the energy for pancakes. maybe cereal? but do i even have milk? ok fine, toast? wait, do i even have bread? …and then there’s the money issue. my bank account says, “we’ve been here for a while,” and i'm like, yeah, but not in a good way. i try to budget—i swear i do. but then i remember that one online shop had a 50% off sale, and suddenly, my money's gone faster than my will to get out of bed. and then i think, i should probably do something productive today. maybe read? but my attention span is shorter than a TikTok video. maybe exercise? but… uh, no. let’s be real, my body’s not feeling it today. staying in bed and scrolling through memes seems ...

hi. it's me. your local tired student. and guess what? thesis is done. done. (yes, i’m still in shock) there were moments i really thought i wouldn’t make it. not to be dramatic—but like... dramatic. things that happened: cried in front of my laptop (multiple times) rewrote chapter 1... four times lived off caffeine and sheer panic made 20+ drafts of one table googled “what if your thesis sucks but you tried” at 3 AM i wasn’t always productive. some days, i opened the doc, stared for two hours, then closed it. some days, i wrote one paragraph and felt like a genius. it was all messy. inconsistent. full of doubt. but somehow, progress still happened. my brain during the process: “you got this!” → “no u don’t.” “ok one last edit.” → rewrites entire section “this is nonsense.” → “but like... academic nonsense?” and now i’m here. ready to register for defense. still tired. still recovering. but proud. of every breakdown, every tiny win, every night i didn’t q...

 hi again. so… i disappeared.   not for anything dramatic.   just naps, uni, and the occasional spiral of "i’ll write tomorrow".   spoiler alert: i didn’t. the guilt? oh, it visited.   but so did stress, deadlines, and that weird craving for instant noodles at 2 AM. i missed this space though—this lil bubble of thoughts and overthinking.   i missed writing without pressure.   i missed talking to the void. anyway, life update? — semester's been chaotic.  — discovered a new song track and cried a lil.   — my cat knocked over my coffee (again).   — i started journaling offline too (pen hits different sometimes). so here i am.   writing again.   not promising consistency, but promising honesty. thanks for staying.   if you did.   if not, hi future me. i hope you’re still writing. — Love, Naz

       Being an adult is not as beautiful as imagined. For example, like having a boyfriend, many friends, spending adolescence with fun. But it turned out not to be so, because in the end I came to know that being an adult is not just fun, but there is also a big responsibility that must be carried. The greatest responsibility is responsibility to oneself. How to control these emotions and passions. Emotions can control many things in this person when they cannot be controlled properly. Happiness, sadness, disappointment, anger, fear, and other emotions become part of the self. I will tell you that we must be good at controlling emotions. The impact of emotions can affect the people around us. — Naz

  In the vast city's gleaming light, Where dreams and stars align, I chase the promises of night, Yet something tugs inside. Amidst the bustling, crowded streets, Where shadows dance and fade, A whisper of a distant beat, Calls from the life I made. Beneath the urban, restless hum, I hear a softer tune, The murmurs of where I come from, Beneath the harvest moon. The scent of earth, the touch of rain, The warmth of faces dear, A place where love and memories reign, And hearts are always near. Though towers rise and futures gleam, In concrete and in steel, I wander back in every dream, To where the soul can heal. For in the noise and in the haste, In every path I roam, The echoes of my past embrace, And guide me gently home. — Naz